Hijinks Ensue as Mill Valley FILM Festival Coincides With Mill Valley MILF Festival

SAN RAFAEL, CA — The Daily Weekly would like to extend a formal apology to Mrs. Lindsay Montero, whom we mistook for Jennifer Lawrence at a Mill Valley cocktail lounge last Friday evening. Lawrence was speaking about her latest movie at the Mill Valley Film Festival and we simply assumed that the stunning yet approachable blond woman at the bar was…

Yes, we agree Mrs. Montero, that was an amusing mistake! Is Jennifer Lawrence really 15 years younger than you? All at the bar assumed you were not a day over 29, and our reporting could not confirm your true age. 

We were able to verify, however, comments you made, Mrs. Montero, regarding your work as a nude model. Our research indicates you posed for studio drawing classes at College of Marin as recently as January 2018, which is hardly surprising given… Not that we mean... Not that we were...

We agree, Mrs. Montero, eating clean and regular exercise is the best way to stay fit and feel young. It has certainly worked for you! Our reporting confirms you are the same measurements you were when you won the 1997 Miss Petaluma Pageant. You still have the bikini from the competition? Wow, we’d love to see it. The bikini, that is, not you in the… of course, you must still look great in bikinis with all the kale you eat… Gosh, it’s gotten so warm in here!



Suzanne Carroll